When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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