Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
