Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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