Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
