is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
