guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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