he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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