is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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