Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
