you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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