no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
