I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
