y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
My bed smells like the plague
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
