She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
