I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
