and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
