Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
