Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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