do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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