My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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