i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Come share oat with me in your robe
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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