i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I don't think brook has ever known best
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Randomize
