It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
