So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
