I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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