I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
