Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
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