Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
