Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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