The maid of honor just puked.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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