I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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