i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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