awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
