I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
