remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
