We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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