a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
