hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
