Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
