apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
