he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
