I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
