it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
