just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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