Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
