They should really pass out barf bags in church
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
