question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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