Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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