I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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