It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
